Day 28

Newton’s third law of physics, “For every action, there’s an opposite and reaction.”

Kauri has to drive Miss Daisy today for Chinese New Year celebration so I’m home alone, again. Today’s blog is dedicated my mother-in-law. They say love concures all… but they forgot to factor Kauri’s mum.

Today’s blog is no holds barred, a death match with plenty of kicking and screaming, so let’s get ready to ruuummmbbbleee …

I’ve always tried to get on well with others. I don’t judge people and I’m respectful of cultures, religion and have an open mind. I’m no saint, far from it, but I try to be the best I can be and a lot of that came from Kauri..

Kauri is such a lovely soul that’s why I defend her with my life. I’ll be honest I never believed in soul mates but that all changed when this little 5’2 powerhouse came into my life. She really is my angel. We connect on so many planes, physically,mentally and spiritually. She really is the yin to my yang. I can honestly say I would take a bullet for her and don’t even have to think about it for a second.

Aawwww.. I hear you say. Well, this is where my quote comes into play. In the red corner, weighing in at 85 lbs. wet  “BAD MOMMA.” If the movies  Monster-in-Law and Throw Momma off the Train had a love child, it would be a nothing compared to BAD MOMMA..  He’s exaggerating you say. Let’s see if you think the same way after finishing your reading.

BAD MOMA let’s call her Grandma.

Close encounter of the first kind.

I get it!!  You’re thinking I’m  foreigner about to marry and do things with your daughter as your giving  me the evil eye as I walk into the house. I’m introduced to Kauri’s brother who speaks a little English (but poorly) and we exchange pleasantries.  All the time grandma’s watching me like a hawk ready to devour its next meal.

We get unpacked from our flight. I’m in the spare room. Later in the day Kauri advises me Grandma wants to ask me a few questions . So from across the dining room Grandma gets off the rocker (I swear there’s an imprint of her boney ass on it) and gets her walking frame and across she comes, chink, chink…. chink ,chink….  I’m not being mean at all, this  has relevance. As I’m seated Kauri’s mum stands (I have to be beneath her level) She doesn’t hold back, no politeness, just on with it.

First and most important question: How much money do you earn.? (the back of my mind I’m thinking it’s none of your FN business.)

Second question: How do you look after your mother? ( This is more a cultural difference.)  I should have responded if she asked me a rude question like that I’d put her in a home  🙂

With those questions answered she hobbles back to her rocker and sits her boney ass down to watch TV. Fitting perfectly in the imprint on the seat.

When most people think of Thailand they see it as a poor country. It’s like everywhere else in the world. There is wealth in Thailand. We see so many imported BMWs, Porsches, and a few Ferraris driven around Bangkok . It’s not just foreigners.

With most communities, each household has a maid (they are usually from Burma or Laos) and we are no different. The maids usually do the cleaning and assist with the cooking etc. So hopefully you have a bit of a picture of Thai suburbia.( summer days sitting back served drinks by the maid, perfect … I wish.)

Lets burst the bubble 

To be fair, Kauri’s mum has had health troubles since her mid 30’s so Kauri as a young girl had to cook, clean and get ready for school, prepare the lunches all before catching a bus into the city, come home and cook dinner.etc, etc. Except for the school not much has  changed.( so next time the kids winger for packing a dish washer it could be a lot worse.)

As the years went by due to diabetes, high blood pressure, etc., the food had to be bland for her, low salt,etc. (rather than treat the cause just give medication.)

Grandma’s routine is wake up, sit on the rocker, turn on tv and breakfast is served. Watch more TV, lunch served. Have a nana nap/ toilet break, sit back in the chair, dinner served. Then go to bed. how she is so thin is beyond my comprehension. She does nothing but give orders and sits on the seat.

I want to give you a visual of a typical day it’s not exaggerated ..

So you must be thinking the poor waman what is Greg’s problem..

So far we have mentioned the maid. Check.

Kauri cooking, check.

Grandma in the rocker.. check ?

I’m missing a few ingredients for this recipe so let’s continue. If you need to top up your coffee, tea or wine now would be a good time before proceeding.

I have 2 special ingredients to add. Control freak and a large cup of momma’s boy.. (who’s a well paid doctor that she puts on a pedestal. Can’t do a thing wrong. He might be good at his job but he’s not smart. If we have a zombie apocalypse it’s grandma, the maid and the brother. In that order.

Grandma is a control freak.  the Thai custom is to respect your elders no matter how stupid or rude they are. I personally think respect needs to be earned. It’s not a given right, but it’s Thai culture. Lets add a layer to the recipe.

We even have electric gates opened via remote. Rather than giving the maid a remote so she can do her duties, grandma has to be in charge. The maid yells to grandma who is hard of hearing, gate still closed rather than the maid coming in and letting her know she needs to go out, she yells again.. Some days it’s really is dumb and dumber, like a tennis match. Yell… eh, Yell …eh, back and forth. Gate open point… advantage grandma .

The maid has her own room outside the house. At night she has access to the kitchen but the rest of the house is locked. That way the maid can start cooking breakfast at 6am (with Kauri’s help) and have  a hot breakfast ready for grandma. This meal is usually quiet and peaceful (can’t make any noise when the doctor is upstairs) but it all changes when the doctor, I’ll call him Gaylord, leaves for work at 6:30 am.

This is when the action starts. The maid is busily pounding herbs as grandma wants them fresh each day. We can’t have day old herbs (it doesn’t matter if we are asleep, we don’t seem to matter.) Then the food is delivered. There’s always an issue, too much, to little. It’s spicy, it’s bland. It’s too hot, it’s too cold (I’ve actually seen the exact food done the same way, taste the same but there’s always an issue. ) In the 4 years I’ve never heard her say one nice thing ever..not even a smile. I thought she had a half smile but in retrospect I think she was passing gas.

Every meal without fail there’s an issue, even today while Kauri’s taken her mum out. As soon as they get back around 3, the maid and Kauri will have to rush to get her meal prepared .. for 4:00-4:30  (it’s  the culture but for a woman who can’t cook I’d at least be gracious and thankful. You can  always get off your boney ass and cook your own meal.)

Dr. Gaylord says it’s dementia. He is so stupid. Grandma is a cunning as a rat. The days he doesn’t work she’s so calm , polite, no yelling and even lets the maid have the remote  but the day he’s goes to work as soon as he drives off it’s the start off ww3. It’s like she’s had to bottle this up for a day and time to explode.  A switch has been pressed. I’ve asked Kauri to record it but Gaylord would just palm it off.

The maid has to wash grandma’s hair. She yells at her, massage her again grandma yells. Whatever she orders the maid does and yet grandma calls her a buffalo, and has pinched her at times. She really is a nasty piece of work. It really is surprising how bad she is to the maids, worse than how a dog is treated. I’ve heard of maids spitting in food. It would not surprise me. We used to go through a maid a month. She’s got that bad a reputation. And Gaylord doesn’t care. If they go Kauri can do all the work Too bad if we have plans .. ( When I first visited Thailand we had booked a holiday and had to cancel as the maid  left. It’s ok  to inconvenience us (we had boooked flight and  hotel months in advance) but can’t have  grandma  incovenienced.

So what do you think now, huh ?

Grandma’s not a spring chicken. She’s 70. Typical ailments, hard of hearing, she did have bad eyesight but that’s been fixed now she has eyes of a hawk.

But rather than accepting she’s getting old, Gaylord gets Kauri to take her every few months for brain scans, hearing and eyesite tests and the results are always he same , no change.  Each visit is  at least 1/2 a day wasted.

When she’s out she smiles, yet still yells at the maid. Her true colors are starting to  show. I’ve never seen her smile ever. It really amazed me how someone can be so rotten to the core. She chants everyday and is superstitious and for what I see, no goodness in her at all. All her life she’s been let to get away with it.

I believe in doing good, try to lead by example, forgive, accept that I may be wrong (lucky I’m never wrong lol) and see things with an open mind. I believe in karma and I pray that grandmas next life she comes back as a maid and has someone equally as bad as she was to treat her the same. That to me would be justice. I’m just so grateful Kauri is nothing like her. If anything the complete opposite .. I’m sure she was adopted ..
















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